Honestly idk who I am talking too, or rather writing too. Maybe no one will see it. Or maybe somone will, and I can only wonder if it made them pause or care. I guess I feel safer shouting in this little void of the internet, that not too many may stummble upon; in an odd way it helps that I don't know you and you don't know me, and the only thing that connects us is humanity. I started college not too long ago, and honestly, I am really scared. I act fine and confident around my roomates and family but I am terified. What do I have to be scared of? I have savings, I was a good student before, I can study, I can always go back home if things don't work out. Heck, I got my associates before graduating highschool. I am supposedly ahead...so why am I so scared that I am falling behind? Why am I teriffied that I might run out of money when I have savings, and I can always go back home to my parents if I do run out? Why am I so scared that I might fail all my classes? Why am I wondering if I can even make a life for myself? What if I fail? What if I am a failure? What do I do? If I drop out, what if I can never make a decent living? What if I am not enough? What am I but what I expect myself to accompish and to be?
I try my best not to think it, but I can't help but think, it would be so much easier if I just didn't... You know? Why can't I BE? Why must I strive? And why does it break my soul to wonder what would be left of me if I stopped moving for a moment and BE? Can't I just be?
Can't I?